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Healers Talk Healing Podcast
The Healers Talk Healing podcast invites you on a transformative journey towards holistic healing, where we explore the mind-body connection, natural remedies, and ancient wisdom to empower you to live a vibrant and balanced life. Join us as we share inspiring stories, expert interviews, and practical tips to help you unlock your true potential and embrace a happier, healthier you.
Healers Talk Healing Podcast
Healing and Legacy: Insights from Doula AnneLisa Vallery
When the universe nudges us toward our true calling, it often comes through whispers of intuition or the steadfast support of a friend. AnneLisa Vallery's unexpected journey into becoming a doula began amidst the hills of San Francisco and unfolded as she immersed herself in the sacred birthing space, offering strength and serenity to mothers-to-be. Join this enlightening episode with AnneLisa Vallery, a full-spectrum doula whose touch transforms family growth from preconception to postpartum, as she traverses the deeply personal and universally profound paths of healing and growth.
Through the lens of her experiences as a Reiki master and life coach, AnneLisa delves into the nuanced layers of healing, acknowledging that while the journey is continuous, the tools we acquire light the way for swifter recognition of our healing spaces. She shares her poetic insights on the long-term impact of our healing choices, reminding us that the trees we plant now will offer shade to generations we may never meet. From pivotal affirmations to deeply grounding energies, this conversation is a testament to the extraordinary power of listening to the messages life sends us.
The episode also celebrates the unsung heroes of childbirth: the support systems that uphold new parents as they step into their transformed identities. The dialogue honors holistic healers and the strength found in their guiding light, as they shepherd families through this transformative life adventure. By tuning in, you're not merely listening to a conversation; you're stepping into a circle of empowerment and joining a community dedicated to embracing life's transitions with grace, courage, and heart.
If you're looking for a healing hero OR you are a healing hero and want to be listed on our directory click here to start your journey.
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Welcome to Healers Talk Healing, the podcast where we gather to explore the art and science of holistic healing, uncovering the secrets to a happier, healthier you. I'm your host, nina Ganguly, and together we will delve into the intriguing world of holistic healing, delving into the mind-body connection, ancient wisdom and natural remedies to the mind-body connection, ancient wisdom and natural remedies. Get ready for enlightening stories, thought-provoking expert interviews and practical tips that will empower you to unlock your true potential and embrace a vibrant, balanced life. Whether you're an experienced wellness enthusiast or simply curious about the power of healing, join us on this exhilarating journey as we share the wisdom and insights that can truly transform your life. It's time to embark on a voyage towards a happier, healthier you. So, without further ado, let's dive into the captivating world of Healers Talk Healing.
Speaker 1:Welcome to another episode of Healers Talk Healing, the show where we explore the inspiring journeys of healing, transformation and empowerment. I'm your host, nina Ganguly, and today we have an incredibly special episode lined up for you. I'm thrilled to be joined by Anne-Lisa, a remarkable individual whose work as a full-spectrum doula has touched and transformed many lives. In our conversation, we uncover the profound meaning of healing, the continuous journey it entails and how Anne-Lise defines it as transformation of habits and ways of being that serve not only ourselves but future generations. Anne-lise shares her inspiring journey to becoming a doula, including the spiritual calling and the serendipitous moments that led her to this path, From supporting families through preconception to postpartum. Anne-lise's story is a testament to the power of following one's intuition and the immense impact of compassionate support during childbirth.
Speaker 1:Whether you're on a healing journey yourself, considering starting a family or simply curious about the role of doulas, this episode offers valuable insights and heartfelt stories. Anne-lise's wisdom and experience highlight the importance of community legacy and the continuous process of healing. So sit back, relax and join us for an enlightening and uplifting conversation. Let's get started. I am very excited to speak to you today, annalisa. It is an honor to speak to someone who does what you do. You know, as a doula, we have so much to talk about. But before we get into that world, I'm going to ask you the question that I ask all of our guests, which is what is your definition of healing?
Speaker 2:My. So I define healing as transform, the transformation of those habits, ways of being um learnings that no longer serve us to, and transforming it into what will serve not only us individually but serve us as a generation, like serving the generations beyond us.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. Yeah, leaving that legacy, planting a seed, taking it forward, is it's powerful, and sometimes it can feel like it's a thing, like, oh, it's a thing to have to create that for our, the people that come after us, those who are going to come after us, but what a great gift to be able to start the legacy, to be able to start the legacy.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. We plant inside of that healing process. We uproot the things that no longer serve our legacy and we plant the seeds of trees that we won't be able to experience the shade of.
Speaker 1:That is some poetry in motion. It's so true, though, like it's, there is something to be said about we won't be experiencing it. You know, we as humans are so in this space, in the world, looking to that instant gratification. But you know, when you're sowing, it takes something to be able to say, oh, I'm not going not necessarily, but I. It comes in the space that we are in, in that healing space, in the transformational space. We would like it to happen very quickly. You know, when I work with with my clients I'm a Reiki master, life coach and when I work with clients, clients are always wanting okay. Well, you know, when am I going to get better? When's it going to feel better? When's this shift going, this shift gonna happen? You know, like one session is done right.
Speaker 2:No listen, the healing is never over the healing is never over, it's only deeper layers, and it's layers that you're like where did, where did where did this come from? Where what?
Speaker 1:this is what I said yes to, uh, and this is how it gets the that thing that we say yes to when we don't know what we're saying yes to? Yep, everything it's got to be better than where I am now. And, yes, it can be, and, yes, sometimes it. And then it's like, whoa, wait a minute, why does this feel better than the last time I went through? Whatever it was I went through and I saw someone create it very distinctly.
Speaker 1:It's like we think healing is going to be like this or it's going to be like this, and realistically it's like, oh, think healing is going to be like this or it's going to be like this, and realistically it's like up, then we're up. Then we're kind of like we're like you said, we're always in this space of healing because we're getting, we're opening up more and we're opening up more and we're opening up more. And we began to see things in a different way. And you know the conversation that I've had with many others, as we've, as we all have all gone on this journey is you just have tools that maybe you didn't have before that help. I'm not saying it's going to speed up the process, because the process is the process.
Speaker 1:it is what it is it is uh, and you know, at least for me, I think I recognize it faster. I may not understand it. I mean, like I don't know if that's you know, something that you experience as well. It's like oh, I see I'm in a space, I just don't know what the space is.
Speaker 2:I find, like the feeling is like oh, this, this, this feels it feels familiar and foreign. Right, it feels familiar because you're like oh, I, this, this feels it feels familiar and foreign. Right, it feels familiar because you're like, oh, I've reached this point before, but the, the view, the vista, it's just a totally different. You're like, okay, but this playing field is not the same where we were before, and so it's foreign and new. All it's foreign and familiar, all at the same time. It's the feeling tone that's familiar and it's the playing field that you're like nope, I ain't been here before. Why does it feel so familiar? I don't know about this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, you're speaking what's in my, in my head so eloquently. I was just having this conversation with my girlfriends and and I was I was saying you know, I'm in this space right now, feels from but this is different, it's not the same. And you know what tools can I pull out so that I can get some clarity, to know what tools to go out and get to begin to help elevate the elevate I guess the word is elevate me to that next transition. You know, and you have to be willing to want to yes, you have to be like you.
Speaker 2:It occurs to me as though you have to be committed to being curious, to being curious to discover. Although you may know some things, you still don't know a lot of things. And so what? What are the things that you don't know? That you're like, all right, we're just, we're just gonna ask a question and discover what's on the other side of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when they say life is a journey, they're not joking. You know the day that are not joking. It's, it's, it's true. Life is a journey, it's a discovery, and it's the willingness I think to to feel the feels, cause that's what we all try to avoid is feeling the feels is the oh, I don't like the way this is is so our whole survival mode comes in, and then survival mode is meant to keep you safe and and comfortable, and comfortable is not fun most of the time. When you get into that space, I mean, what's it like for you? What's your journey been so far?
Speaker 2:It has been thrilling and also like what? This again? And or okay, this is what I say yes to, I don't know about this. I think we need to renegotiate this agreement because I don't know about this, know about this, and in just sitting in that space with those feelings and really sitting in, okay, what are the possibilities on?
Speaker 2:the other side of this, like this moment is uncomfortable. There's no sense of comfort, ever like at all in this moment. And I make it through this moment like what are the possibilities that are available to me on the this moment? Like what are the possibilities that are available to me on the other side of this? What are the possibilities that are available to the communities that I contribute to, to the family that.
Speaker 2:I'm a part of, like what are the possibilities that I open up? Because when I open up possibilities for myself, I open up possibilities for generations beyond me. So my willing to stand like for me years ago I started legacy really became a. It was when my grandparents passed Both of my grandparents passed legacy really like bubbled up in me and I was like, huh, what would it? I was like what is it look like for me to stand seven generations beyond me and look back. Who was I and what did I do? At first it was hard because I was like up seven generations and over the years it's been like I stand in both spaces standing here where I am and standing there like okay, who would? And looking back that's.
Speaker 1:That's very, very powerful to ask that question and to be able to actually stand and say, okay, fast forward seven generations, what's the impact been? And I think it's a perfect way to ask you about what you do, because you help bring generations into the world. You are a doula and I am very familiar with what a doula is. I don't have one, but I know I know of them and that some of my friends and contemporaries have used doulas and I think it's such beautiful work. So I'm going to let you explain what a doula is and your your journey into becoming a doula. I think that's so important to understand what had you take that path?
Speaker 2:Yes, so I'm a full spectrum doula, and a doula is a birth companion, a birth guide, a birth worker they support. So, just to make a distinction, there are midwives and there are doulas, and they do work hand in hand um, especially in the out of hospital space.
Speaker 2:So for home births, for water births, um birth center births, they, they do work hand in hand. Midwives, specifically here in the united states, and what I'm finding is in a lot of countries midwives can actually deliver your baby, like midwives can catch the baby and put it on mom where doulas.
Speaker 2:Doulas are your coaches. They're going to coach you through. They're going to do hands-on body work. They may even do energy work while you're laboring. They're going to coach you through all of those spaces. From now, you can work with doulas from different throughout different spaces, because you can work preconception with a doula. You can work with doulas from different throughout different spaces, because you can work preconception with a doula. You can work at conception with a doula, which then is focused on your pregnancy journey, labor and delivery and then postpartum. And so I work with. I work with expecting families and for me, that looks looks like it includes adoption, it includes surrogacy, it also like it is a doula for me. Me as a doula is focused on integrating and welcoming the little ones into your family, and so, and setting your family up so that you have a foundation of knowledge and empowering education to really make the choices that are aligned for your family.
Speaker 1:I, I'm, I'm taking a deep breath because I'm thinking, I'm imagining if I had had a doula for both of my uh journeys, uh, into motherhood, what difference it would have made.
Speaker 1:For I'm thinking, you know, honestly, my second child because I was so busy with the first one but it was almost like the second child was like, yeah, it's coming, but coming, but you know I'm, I'm busy over here, I'm over here. So you know my, unfortunately, my son didn't get the reading every night in utero. He didn't get all of the things that I had set up for my first child because she's first child and you know, you have I felt not having any other children. I had more time to spend when I had the second one there were a couple of years apart and I was running a business and managing other things that I just happened to have a baby growing inside my belly Right, and what a difference that would have made to just spend the time in being in in that, in that situation, and what brought you to want to be, to partner with families, um, bringing you know, those next generations into the world. However, that is so funny story.
Speaker 2:Um, I so I heard I have not personally given birth to any children yet in this, in this lifetime and the, a dear sister friend of mine, had, um, she was pregnant. She got pregnant in 2020 and it was like June or July and I remember like she called me and it was just like a sister friend, call, you know, call to catch up, hey, how are you, how are things going? And I remember being in. I was in another sister friend. I was house sitting for a sister friend who had gone to spend time with her family in England, and so I was house sitting for her in San Francisco, her condo in downtown San Francisco. And as, while she was away, I thought it was funny because I looked, I was like, wait, I, because I saw a lot of doula books.
Speaker 2:And I was like, oh, interesting, I didn't know she was a doula. And she's like, yeah, she's like I've delivered, she at the time she had delivered like three babies. We had a doula and she's like, yeah, she's like I've delivered, she at the time she had delivered like three babies. We had a brief conversation before she left, whatnot. So, second sister friend we're on the phone catching up. Hey, how are you? How are things? And the conversation takes a shift and, as an intuitive, I was like wait, what's happening? And I remember her, like I don't really remember all of the conversation before we got to this point, but it got to a point and I was like wait, I was like okay, hold on a minute, give me just one moment. I was like, let me check in. And I checked in, just kind of internally, I was like spirit, am I her doula? And I got a yes and that was like now, please note, I have not done, I have not researched it, I've not. I was serving youth at the time, working as a CASA, serving teens and youth in the foster care system, and I have. And I was an energy healer and a coach. And I was like, okay, but I didn't. And I was like uh. So I tell my friend. I was like okay, I'm going to ask you a question and I just want you to tell me the first answer that pops into your mind. And I asked her. I said am I your doula? She said yes. There was no hesitation, no, like it was immediate. And I was like what am I going to do? I was like, and she all, and immediately. She goes from yes to oh, my gosh, I know I'm asking you a lot, like I know that I will hire somebody else who can do all the baby things, but I need you there for me. And I was just like okay, hold on, hold on, pause, let me process, let me process. And I, as I sat there, all like my mind is going crazy because it's like how are you going to do this? You don't know anything about this. Like all of these thoughts it was flooding and I was like okay, let me just let me check in one more time. I was like is it in my highest? I was like is it in the highest and best interest of all of us for me to say yes? And I got a yes and I was like okay, and so I said I told my friend. I was like yes, I will be your, I will be part of your doula team, I will be your doula for this birth. In the moment that I said yes, all of the thoughts and questions that were flooded literally disappeared. There was so much peace that I was like hold up who? What just happened? What just happened? And so that was.
Speaker 2:We had that conversation in 2020. She gave birth to her baby girl. It was her first birth center birth. It was her first water birth. Although she had five other children, this was her sixth child and this was her first out of hospital experience. And so, february 20th 2021, she gave birth and I was like, okay, great. And I was like, okay, that's, you know, that's a friend, whatever.
Speaker 2:A year later, I am chatting with another sister friend. I was like I'm loving how all my sister friends seem to deliver these messages to me. Um, but I'm chatting with another sister friend and she's sharing with me a reading that she had gotten from a psychic medium and she was like, yeah, you know, the medium said that she sees like one or two more children for me. Now, please note, this sister friend already has two children. And I was like, oh, I get to be a new auntie. She was like girl, what are you talking about? You already an auntie, like I already got to. I was like I know, but I get to be a renewed auntie and her, her response was she was like girl, I don't know what you over there like, I don't know what you're doing over there. She was like because if there are any more children coming through this body, she was like you're definitely gonna be the doula. I'm sorry, what huh? And it our conversation.
Speaker 2:So we go from giggling, laughing, joking to she. It's like shifts on a dime. Because the question I asked her was I was like I don't know what I'd bring to that space, like why she like full on tears, she is bawling as she channels this message for me. She's like Annalisa, the babies need you. They need the safe and grounding space that you provide. Like the babies need you. And I was just like and she's bawling and I was like, oh my gosh. I was like okay, okay, I got it. I got it and when she integrated back into her body, she's like I don't really know why I was crying, like it wasn't sad, like I don't.
Speaker 1:And she's not even pregnant yet, right?
Speaker 2:nope, no baby in utro, quite okay nope, and I was like, okay, that day I sent because I had been following, uh, a master doula and a midwife student for some time. That I just I loved her style, loved her style loved her style, loved how she shared love, how she integrated all of the. She integrated both African traditions and indigenous traditions, south American, mexican, like all of these, just very a breadth of traditions that she integrates into her practice as a doula, and so I sent her a message.
Speaker 2:I sent her an email and I was like hey, I know that you've been doing doula trainings. When is your next one? Please note that this is a Saturday that I sent her. Saturday I had the conversation with my sister friend who channeled the beautiful message. Saturday I sent this email to the doula teacher that I was like yes, I want to be trained by you. She sent me a message back that said oh yeah, our next doula training starts on tuesday. By monday I was registered and tuesday I was in my first doula training class, and what was interesting for me about this journey was once I said yes to being a doula.
Speaker 2:I had this dream and in this dream. So you know the in the south, the huge plantation houses with the wraparound porch, and they typically have. When you come out the front door, it's usually either a large front door, a double front door. You walk down like two steps to get down to the ground or wherever the sidewalk is. So I'm literally in this dream. I'm sitting on the steps of the front porch and all of a sudden, all these babies, like all toddlers, because they're walking, um, they all come and they, they're all like running up to me, super excited, and they have their arms outstretched and they come up and they give me a hug. And there's so many of them I can't wrap that my arms around them all and so they're literally leaning into each other, hugging each other, hugging me and I was like it just it was so endearing and warming and I was like, okay, spirit, I got it, I will take this journey.
Speaker 2:So I have been a doula ever since and it has been like I love it. I absolutely love it. It is such an honor to be in such a, to be welcomed in such an intimate space with families and to serve as a guide as they navigate their, their birth journey.
Speaker 1:I think the interesting part of your story when, when, what I hear in it is this was not on your radar, like any, there was no. Was there ever a thought like I'd like to help women through their pregnancies?
Speaker 2:It. It wasn't so funny enough. So last Thanksgiving I connected with another sister friend and it's been years since she and I actually had a really good like catch up conversation. And she's like Annalisa, what are you doing now? And I was like, well, I'm now a full spectrum doula working full time in my holistic wellness business. And she was like, oh, you took the path. I was like, wait, what she was like Annalisa? I remember in February of 2020, because I participate in South American indigenous plant medicine ceremonies- Okay.
Speaker 2:And so what I had been sharing with them as I was like yo, all my journeys I've been getting pregnant, like energetically pregnant, and I remember the one journey specifically where I could literally feel like it was like my womb was contracting and I was like what is this, what is happening? And so I remember sharing that with her and I was like a doula, I don't, I don't know. And so, as my sister friends were just inquiring and asking questions, it was like she's like Alisa. We asked you like are you going to take the path, Are you going to explore it? And all of your answers were I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. And she was like so you took the path. And I was like, wow, so the seed likely for being a doula got planted seven years ago and I took the path, path, I said yes to the path. Well, I said yes to being a doula and then said yes to the path of being a doula maybe four years ago join the miracles directory, where healers connect and wellness begins.
Speaker 1:Join a community of trusted holistic professionals, or find your path to healing and peace. Visit themiraclesdirectorycom. Start your journey today, and I think it's important that we get to hear this part of your story. For those who are on a path or something is growing inside of them or signs are coming from everywhere, to be open to saying yes to discovery, and you know we are. I find that we're always looking for like, what's the meaning? Why am I here? What, what, what is like? What the hell am I doing here? Aside from feeling like I'm an angst 90% of the time, you know it's like what. So what is like? What the hell am I doing here? Aside from feeling like I'm an angst 90 of the time, you know it's like what. So what is all of this for? You know, those of those you know are to our listeners, who are people who want to be healers, people who are looking to work with a healer.
Speaker 1:Things work in their own time. I've learned this now in my fifth decade of life that things take their time. We can't force the universe to bend to our will. It's because there's already something there. We come here with a mission and then, well, we know what it is before we get here. And then we get here, we forget what it is and we've got to unravel so that we can be our best selves in discovering, becoming a doula, becoming for me, uh, a reiki master, someone in the healing path. And if you had asked me seven years ago if I would be an energy healer, I would have been like, yeah, whack, no, I don't believe any of that stuff yes, it's funny how.
Speaker 2:It's funny how things shift, like almost coming full circle and so even coming full circle. And so, even as I've, as I've worked with, as I work with my clients, there's sometimes I'm inspired to ask my mom questions and something I, something I was inspired to ask her was mom, who was there? Like, who was there when I was born? She was like I don't know where your father was, he was off doing whatever he was up to. He he said he needed to go a, b, c through z. So I don't know. She was like but you're um, but terry was there, and so terry is a dear friend of the family who has just lovingly I call her auntie and I know on Terry knew my parents, like before I was even a thought. What I did not know is that she was the.
Speaker 2:She was my mom's labor coach when my mom was giving birth to me and I was like, wow, like on, Ontario holds a very dear space in my heart just because of who she is and how she supported me along my journey, was standing and advocating for my mom and coaching my mom through the transformation that is birth.
Speaker 1:I was like wow, okay, I got that it was just, it was really endearing yeah, I can, I can feel that, yeah, so my question is, my question is now you, you found the path, you're on the path. What is it like for your clients to have you, who are on your path, walk along with them as they're on their path?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is. It's so funny. So for new year's I send all of my clients um happy new year's virtual e card. And one of them, um, responded and he was like thank you so much for being a part of our best year, yet they gave birth. Now what's hilarious? Like I, absolutely I love all of my clients and this particular couple was hilarious. They also hold a special place because they gave birth to their son on my birthday.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel that us auspicious.
Speaker 2:Coincidental but not coincidental is that I arrived. I don't even know if they know, but I arrived at their home to support them in labor, laboring at home at my birth time, and I was like message received spirit. I got it like message received um. Message received um. And so it was just. It was beautiful and to hear he was like thank you so much it was dad who responded he was like thank you so much for being a part of our best year yet it is.
Speaker 2:I find that my clients feel like, oh, okay, I don't have to carry, like don't have to carry all this weight by myself because there's in as you're preparing for birth, as I'm sure you know, there's a wealth of possibilities information, shoulds, should, nots, do nots, scary stories, great stories, like, and you're like what am I what, what, what, what am I doing here? What, what story am I I gonna have out of this? Um, and so really being able to guide them in a loving way and empower them regardless, like what comes up. And so one of the things that I do with my clients is we talk about like worst fears, like, okay, what is your worst fear and what is what plan can we create such that you are empowered?
Speaker 2:through it and so it's like, if plan a does not work out, because you know babies have their own time and way that they want to move. So if plan a doesn't, you know, if plan a does not work out, so we have an. If this plan b, if this plan c, if this plan, so the okay. So we have. And I was like, and I'm not gonna force you inside of your labor or delivery to be like you said you wanted, I'm just like, nope, that's not how this goes don't do that with the ladies.
Speaker 1:Who is pushing a baby out?
Speaker 2:I was like what I will say is hey, when we talked about this before, you said you wanted this. These are the options right now. What do you still want? This, or do you want something else? Whatever you choose, I totally honor it's.
Speaker 1:It truly is a coach, someone who's in your corner, advocating for what you need and reminding you of what you said you needed and wanted, and sometimes you're right things happen. I I remember this is tmi, but I remember saying I want a mirror, I want to see the birth, and then I had the mirror. I don't want to see the mirror.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And then at that, in that moment, people saying are you sure? Are you sure? Oh my gosh, please don't ask me if I'm sure, cause one of my fists are going to hit your face.
Speaker 2:And it's so. It's also honoring, because so birth is, it's both a sexual event and it's a transformational event, and so there is an you. You are purely a channel in bringing and birthing that baby into this world, this world as you birth. I find like especially, a lot of what I've noticed is moms who are planning or people who are planning to get pregnant or planning for pregnancy, planning for children, and especially if it's their first, they're really scared.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's totally viable, that's totally valid because, as you give birth to this child, you also rebirth yourself. So every version of you that you thought you knew dies away. So there's a there's this rebirth process that you are going through in addition to carrying this life and bringing it into this world, and so it's totally valid, and I'm simply here to support you as you, as you reemerge.
Speaker 1:That is. I've never heard it put that way and it's, and I can say, yes, that's valid and it's it's true, because at that moment, you've never been a mother before, even when you have six, seven, eight, you've never been a mother of adult children living in my house. So this is a new version of mom. You know, I'm trying to figure it out. Well, I think we need, you know, we, we as women, and men too, but I'm speaking from a female experience. I feel like it's like you need a doula for your whole life, because the children, they change, you change, everybody's going through this, this change, and it's it's nice to have that someone there for you. Whatever change you're going through, what being a parent, whether it's from the birth process to you know, letting them go and, you know, have their own lives, it is the first time for everything.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely, and so like households that have multiple children. I was, like you're all as old as the youngest child in the house.
Speaker 2:For real Literally when you, when you give birth to that second, third, fourth, eighth child, you're all learning to roll over, you're all learning to crawl, you're all learning to stand, you're all learning to walk, to run. Like all of those milestones you're going through yourself, stones, you're going through yourself. It may be expressed different because you're at a new level, it's just, it's this rebirth process and that happens throughout the child's life. So, totally, like right, never been a mom of like listen, y'all are a new age. I've never been a mom of two children this age. This is we.
Speaker 1:We gotta reassess and I think we have to give ourselves space for that. You know, a lot of us don't allow ourselves the space for that, even during pregnancy, you know. You think, oh, my mom pregnancy was like this and her mom's pregnancy was like this, and my best friend's pregnancy was like this, or she got pregnant like this, and why am I struggling? Or why is it so easy? And my friend is struggling like we?
Speaker 1:We have all of these things going on in our heads and, uh, many of us especially depending culturally, where you come from, you you are supposed to be the most elated and the most beautiful and the most, I don't know, know like fairy, like I just can't. You know what I mean Floating across the world because you are going to give birth and do what some would say is one of the most important tasks on on, you know, in the planet. But sometimes you don't feel like that and you don't have anyone to talk to because you have to be in the space of oh, but you're going to be a mom, and it is.
Speaker 2:I can totally relate. I was having a conversation with a client and what she said was I'm trying to be really happy and joyful and grateful for this baby. And I was like, okay, got that. And, mama, I invite you to give yourself space and grace. You don't have to be anything other than who you are and where you are. And right where you are, it is perfect. So if there's sadness, if there's grief, if there's fear, if there's frustration, like, give yourself space to feel and be with it. It will pass. And give yourself the space and the grace to be with it. Nothing is wrong with any of those emotions.
Speaker 2:They're natural and she was like oh my gosh, like I haven't been able, I haven't been able to like. It was like I gave her permission to actually have the conversation with me because she had shared like I I'm not able to have this conversation really with anybody else, including my partner, because nobody seems to understand.
Speaker 1:I was like well, it's not really for anybody to understand and like with me, you will always have the space to be with what is exactly there, whatever that is what a gift that is to a family and you know from the perspective of, of hearing how you support and just in this instance is with the example that you gave, she couldn't, you can't even share with your partner. And then sometimes we show up in some kind of ways because we're dealing with something and they're thinking is this pregnant like, is this your pregnancy? What is happening? I don't understand what. What happened to my wife? Where did she go? Or my partner, where I? I don't know, because we, we feel the person who is pregnant feels like, well, I should be happier, this something should be happening and to have someone in their corner who doesn't have their own agenda. I think that's important for us to get, as, as you know, in with any coach or with any support system out there, to to call upon someone who doesn't have their have an agenda and just wants only what's workable in your life and what's good for you and your in the client's life.
Speaker 1:I don't think many of us know what a great and beautiful role a doula can play in that craziness time that happens, because for some people, yeah, it's smooth and it's beautiful and it's lovely, some it's not. And either way, to have someone celebrate with you. Like you know, you might have a partner who's so scared themselves they don't even know how to celebrate with you because you're so excited, or the reverse, and to have that, and I think what's what the remiss thing is, I'm going to say, is that, in our Western culture thing is I'm going to say, is that in our Western culture, we're very individualized. You know you do things on your own. You need to be strong. You need to be powerful Culturally, as both you and I are women of color. We need to be strong. We, like you, know you've got to put on game face all the time. Vulnerability is something you leave you know, I don't know on the toilet when you're sitting down and crying by yourself where no one can see you.
Speaker 1:To have someone in your corner is so important, especially at this time of your life. What I'm what really is remiss is that it's it's not readily available, it's not part of the conversation you have with your doctor. When you go and you, you know you go the doctor they say, yes, you're pregnant, and then it's like, oh, we have this for me. It was, um, my family doctor, thank god, for my first child was an ob-gyn as well. So, like that was. I'm saying from experience, it was nice to have someone that was there the whole time. But with my second child, um, I had a, uh, I had a doctor who I saw a couple of times, the OBGYN, and then in the hospital somebody else delivered my baby and I don't even remember what he looks like, I don't remember his name. Yeah, for such for me, like such an important, like.
Speaker 1:There's a big distinction between two and there was never a conversation of do you want to work with a midwife? Would you like to have a do like what would? How would you like your, your pregnancy experience to be like they're talking about, your? You know, at the end of the nine months or 10 months that we're pregnant for, but no one's talking about. Well, what would you like your pregnancy to be like? Cause it's all every sometimes. You know what I mean Absolutely, it's all over the road. So what are? What do you suggest that we can do to create more awareness around the importance and the support of of a doula? Because I think we do know very clearly. We're very clear mostly on what midwives are and I'm glad you made the distinction earlier on. So, as you know. Your parting thoughts before we end our conversation is how can we help our sisters feel supported on their journey of pregnancy?
Speaker 2:Listen more than we speak, because it's very often that they're telling us exactly what we need, what they need in our mind. We're like no, you don't like. It's where we're operating from our own perception and we're not listening. And so listen and ask open-ended questions. How would you like me to support you and ask open-ended questions? How would you like me to support you? What does help look like for you? Because what I've, I've, what I've noticed with my clients, especially when I'm setting them up postpartum for their family to support them, is all help is not the help you need or want. Yes, indeed, and so, really being curious, what would make a difference for you in, in, especially postpartum? Because postpartum is a journey that it's very distinct. Child to child is no two postpartum journeys are the same and help looks different. Sometimes it's food, sometimes it's. Can you just come over and wash the dishes, like I? I just can't.
Speaker 2:And, as you know, with babies, baby bottles and all the things, there's a rotation of dishes that is very regular and consistent and laundry that too, that too, and so sometimes it's just as simple as can you come over and clean my kitchen and do the laundry, Like that would just that would make a huge difference. And so it's those little things that we can't, that we don't necessarily think about. But if we were to ask the question like what would make a difference for you right now, where you are in your journey Is?
Speaker 2:it just for me to come and sit and talk with you. So you have an another, so you have an, especially for stay at home moms. So you have another adult to talk to and you're not just, you know, talking to the kids all day and assessing for yourself is that something that you can support in? Because, that ability, to that ability and capacity to show up for your cousin, your sister, your homegirl, whomever who's on their birth journey, it can totally make all the difference in how they experience motherhood.
Speaker 1:So beautiful experience motherhood so beautiful. So how do we connect with you? Asides from the miracles directory how do we connect with you If we are looking for that support or we know someone who's looking for that support or even want to get to know more about doulas or becoming a doula, how do we connect with you?
Speaker 2:So I am am I'm on instagram at cosmic mothering is my handle um. Feel free to email at hello, cosmicmotheringcom. Or simply give a call um 323 452-7174.
Speaker 1:This has been such a beautiful conversation and very you. Just. I'm so glad you do what you do. The mamas and the babies and the dads and the partners that get to experience your support are very, very lucky. Thank you for joining us today on Healers Talk Healing. We hope you've been inspired and empowered on your holistic healing journey. If you've enjoyed today's episode and want to continue learning and growing with us, don't forget to subscribe, follow, rate and review our podcast. Your feedback and support mean the world to us. Remember healing is a lifelong journey and you have the power to transform your life in profound ways. Stay curious, keep exploring and never stop believing in your own capacity for healing.
